Cloudy with a chance of FAIL

Currently listening to Cracks by Freestylers. Dubstep and durrrrty bass at its best. The whole of The Sound of Dubstep 2 album (compiled by Ministry of Sound) really is worth a listen if you're into that kind of thing.

Bah.

I’m back again (by the way) ;)

For all of my fucking bluster and determination, I am also back up to 130lbs (andsomechange)

My stomach has stretched out in a bid to conceal my hipbones. The little knobble on the top of each shoulder that I finger whenever I’m feeling pudgy? My favourite little bony protrusion. The other end of my collarbone? Whatever it is, it's fucking GONE. Enveloped by my shoulder fat.

Disappeared beneath the surface, like a tiny drowning man in a vast ocean. Nary but a final, sad bubble breaking the surface of the water as a testament to his existence. And then he, like the bubble, is gone. And the surface is calm one more.

Bloop

But I digress (No perhaps about it, I think I definitely did there)

In other news; Planet happened. I came. I saw. I partied hard. Wiggled my hips and all that jazz. Made a fleet of Lego fighter jets with my boyfriend and the two guys we met in the line. And a Destroyer to accompany them too. Because Planet Angel is AWESOME.

I mean, I didn’t get down to my target of 125lbs (THE SHAME OF IT ALL) but I looked pretty good nonetheless, If I do say so myself. I fasted the whole day before so my stomach was perfectly flat – hipbones stood to attention like eager guard dogs – I could deal with the extra three pounds of weight I was carrying around. I measured my waist before we left, 27 motherfucking inches! Hells yeah.

It was a good night, short though it was. The MDMA I took unfortunately disagreed violently with the empty cavern that was my stomach, which retaliated by attempting to turn itself inside out.

Cue, much empty retching.

The night was pretty much over after my third pointless trip to the bathroom to slump in a stall, sweaty and drifting in and out of reality, resting my forehead on the cool wall for a moment, before bending at the waist and submitting to the stomach convulsions.

The silver lining, however, was the complete appetite loss that lasted WELL into the next evening. I managed a single yoghurt, for the whole day! With minimal application of willpower, I mean. After the sweating, dancing and the (somewhat unintentional) fasting I had dropped two of those three pounds!

Or something like that.

I can't really remember now; coming home early did, by NO means, diminish the DIRTY comedown I suffered through for most of the next two days. Shaky and pale, like a hologram running out of power, flickering in and out of existence, I stepped onto the scales. The room was dim – the light hurt my head and eyes, my ears were still ringing. I squinted down at the numbers, closing one eye in a failed attempt to bring them into focus. Really they could have said anything. I leaned closer to read them and nearly fell onto my face. I had lost a few pounds, that was knowledge enough. I climbed back into bed, re-lit my spliff and turned my brain back off for the rest of the day.

But it was totes worth it. I'd SO do it again. In fact I plan to! Imaginarium 2^nd of December. BigtimeRAVE!

In the post-rave lull over the next few days, I fell victim to the lure of refuelling. Still frail, I crammed hummus and pitta, yoghurts, baked crisps and fuck balls, even chocolate, willy MOTHERFUCKING nilly into my face. Seemingly without concern for the ramifications of my behaviour, deaf to the voice in my head screaming at me to PLEASE reconsider the bar of chocolate covered fudge I was about to consume.

But reconsider I did fucking not.

SIGH.

I ate and ate, until I put back on every last pound I lost before AND during Planet.

What a fucking waste.

Time to start again, T – 22 days until Imaginarium. And I've gotta be lookin' my best, right?

NOTE: Exciting news! VERY exciting news! xEllex and Dainty Zen are rejoining the blog-scene! I've missed you both! It's always so much easier to stay on track with two of my favourite partners in crime. Welcome back guys :D

NOTE: I don't know if you're as perversely excited as I am about this, but I'll share it here anyway; The TV gods are making a REALITY show ALL ABOUT EATING DISORDERS. OHMYFUCKINGGOD. It's going to be called 'Starving Secrets' and I plan to watch it OBSESSIVELY. First episode airs on the 02/12/11 (Or 12/02/11 if you're American) at 10pm EST on Lifetime. 

Peace out, lovelies!